I recently realised how much I simply accept what I experience in my body

I am used to the pain in my body, I am used to getting congested sinuses, I notice that my skin has gone blotchy, I am used to not sleeping, I get histamine reactions to certain foods, I am unable to tolerate alcohol, I get migraines and I accept all of these things as a part of my aging process.

Then I start learning about Functional Medicine.

I learn that all these symptoms are downstream from my Immune system response. I learn about histamine and how cortisol suppresses insulin, that mould, fungus and parasites can drastically affect your well-being, that underlying infection in the body can be exhausting and that there ARE things I can do to take back my wellbeing.

You are not just your physical body or your emotional body. You are also a chemical body and that is another place to work to bring back balance. I thought I was pretty good at looking after my self. After only a few weeks of supporting myself with a couple of extra supplements I was able to sleep and feel simply ‘softer’ in my body. I learn that the pandemic may have affected me in a way I couldn’t understand.

As I look back I realise that I have had the experience of pain in my body for the majority of my life. An unfortunate exercise where I landed on symmetrical bars on my back started this; I remember my heels flying past my ears and then lying motionless on my back across the bar, perfectly balanced and unable move for a few minutes. I remember heaving myself off the bar and lying on the ground checking I could move my legs. Later in life I had a head on collision in my car (a car pulled out in front of me) and I was unable to sit down without my back going into spasm for about a year.

We talk about such events as series of things that happened. I certainly didn’t think about the circumstances in my life around these events. I didn’t imagine that the acute stress from my relationship at the time would have much to do with it. I had made a very poor relationship choice and lost everything and then ended up being stalked. As I have studied and learned about the mind and body I came to realise how entwined these are. Maybe you’ve come across books like ‘The body keeps the score’ by Gabor Mate or Heal your body’ by Louis L Hay.

I dove into the rabbit hole of somatic healing with Craniosacral therapy and examined what I could find of myself thoroughly.

Around the same time I met and fell in love with Malc. On the outside things looked good but on the inside we had a difficult time and as things progressed, despite being a great team for his business things fell apart. I became dizzy and started getting pains in my chest and I realised that if I didn’t leave I would end up becoming seriously ill. Breaking my family up was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I was intensely frustrated and angry with myself (and him and the world). Being introduced to Cellular Release Therapy was a a pivotal moment, being able to clear the ‘charge’ around experiences meant I could come out of a state of ‘functional freeze’ and ‘fight or flight’. I was able to better understand the dynamics of co dependancy and my role within our relationship. I was able to access a sense of space in my mind and make better decisions. We divorce, he gets cancer and has a stroke which fundamentally alters him. I consider my son and stepson carefully and stay in touch with him and care for him in the ways that I am able. He gets another cancer in 2023 and dies 6 months later. I never saw any of that coming and I know that ‘doing the right thing’ is exhausting. My relationship with Malc has taught me more about myself and relationships than I could have dreamed.

Peri menopause hits me like a train amidst all of this. I experience so much pain I think there is something seriously wrong with me, I have migraines, my mind doesn’t work, I cant sleep, my blood sugar is all over the place, I injure myself frequently and I develop a frozen shoulder which does not ‘freeze’ for 9 months - it is excrutiating. I get therapy, I have some clearing work, I struggle to understand why my body won’t heal faster. I go on HRT for a 18 months after much research, it helps for a short time but I don’t like how I feel so I come off it.

And the reason I’m telling you all of this is that I know life is intense and we can go through periods where it doesn’t seem to have an end to it. I didn’t think about the effect of out of control cortisol on my body and mind and emotions. We can get so used to the background levels of stress and anxiety that they become normal. we may not even ‘feel’ stressed.

Then I start learning about Functional Medicine and that all these symptoms are not normal…